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I'm so sorry for your loss, and I'm glad that you were able to find some comfort and insight in these books.
It's been quite some time since I had a loved one pass, but I feel as though we all develop emotional scar tissue to serve as a reminder of both the pain and healing that accompanies grief.
I find your first quote the most poignant. When it comes to grieving, it's important to embrace the emotional diversity across people; we all grieve differently.