Why it’s so hard to criticize our parents
The importance of emotional safety in understanding ourselves
Friday nights as a teenager were often a dull affair. Sometimes I’d have a friend over to watch a movie. Other times I’d play video games or read on my own. If I was lucky, I might have even found myself at Tim Horton’s with a friend. The joyrides and house parties that characterized adolescence for many teens were rare for me.
On the odd occasion I did go out, I’d come home to my mom peering out through the blinds as I pulled my car into the driveway. She’d greet me as I came in and ask how my night was. If I responded in a chipper, upbeat tone, she’d be satisfied and saunter to bed. Otherwise, she’d interrogate me to figure out what was wrong and if I was hurt.
As this trend continued into my early 20s, I started to question her on why she’d stay up past midnight waiting for me—to which she’d respond, “I can’t sleep if I don’t know you’re safe.”
Most outsiders can probably see how stifling and anxious her behaviour was. They might even suggest that I should have been more defiant or assertive about my boundaries. But at the time, I felt like I was in the wrong for causing her to worry so much.
